what awesome days are made of...

i have incredible people in my life. fact. 

today i received the most wonderful package in the post. it took a long time to get to me, but the timing could not have been better {i needed this today of all days}. all the way from cold, wintery south africa came a "getting ready for winter love box" from my "other mom", whom i fondly call mama sunshine.

it includes a south african flag beanie and scarf, knitted winter socks {not just for me but for my cousin and her daughter}, a local magazine featuring the wedding of a south african to a royal {such a nice touch!} and of course the best chocolate in the whole world -- peppermint crisp, cadbury's and aero. oh yum! but the loveliest part was a letter and a hand made beaded bookmark for my bible.

here are some pics :)

wow, i am so loved.

x

quotable quote

my wonderfully talented friend meg {whom i love and miss dearly} told me about the coolest site pinterest.com. i can't stop looking at the amazing and inspiring things on the pin board and am waiting for my invitation to be approved to have my own pin board. oh if i were cool enough. in the meantime i am collecting things i love and this is one:

gotta love them rolling stones 

x

only in emergencies

ok so i've been really serious lately, so here's some fun stuff i've encountered in the states...

there's an amazing grocery store here called central market and it's pretty freaking awesome. if you love food {like i do} and appreciate everything from imported cheeses to coffees and having a panorama to choose from, mostly calculated by weight {so you can have a small serving of as many different kinds of granola as you like and only pay for what you need -- how about orange/macaroon or vanilla/macadamia?}

anyway, it's heaven. but they also have a huge selection of chocolates, including bloomsberry & co.'s "emergency chocolate" for immediate relief of: chocolate cravings, lovesickness, exam pressure, mild anxiety and extreme hunger. directions for use: tear open wrapper, break off desired dosage, and consume. alternatively massage into affected area. repeat dosage as required until finished. if symptoms persist, consult your local confectioner.

don't you just love it? i have to import these....

identity crisis

it's a funny thing, identity. it's more than that little green book you carry around -- as proof that you are who you say you are. a validation.

i have been wondering how much of my identity is found externally. i mean, where i was born. my family. my friends. my ethnicity. my culture. my career. the music i like. the clothes i wear. the persona i exude. my car. my church. the books i read.

and what am i outside of those things? i feel like lately, having been so far removed from many of those external things, i am being pushed into someone else's view of who i need to be. people that, in reality, have no idea who i really am.

in another context, another country, another social circumstance -- what is proof that i am who i say i am?

ultimately, i may not be enough. i may not have the right paperwork. the right degree. the right accent. i may be a nobody in this big foreign place. but i am HIS. i am child to a sovereign father. a loving redeemer. an eternal provider. 

and the proof of that was paid 2,000 years ago on a rugged, bloody cross.

and He has sustained and brought me safe thus far. so my future is decided. my tomorrow is secure.

and that, is no real crisis at all

x

there and here. and so much in between...

i had a strange realisation. it was a year ago to the day that i moved into my little townhouse in richmond park, in oakdene, south africa. and i realised that back then, as i lay my head down on my brand new bed --- that i had no idea 365 days later i would be sleeping in a very different bed in a very different time zone and hemisphere.

makes you think.

there is something powerful about writing a good story with your life. a better story. one where there is a hero{ine}. a challenge or an obstacle to overcome. an adventure. a villain.

i've been on a very different storyline these past 12 months. more specifically 9 months really. and the 9 is appropriate. there was a "conception" i guess. an expectancy. and something very new now. i feel so different in so many ways. i think finally at peace about many things.

i think back on things i said, feelings i felt and thoughts i thought and i don't recognize so much of me in those things, feelings and thoughts. i think i felt trapped in a way. and if you knew me in that time, really knew me and were part of those catalystic, formative, angst-filled conversations you would understand how angry i really was. and you loved me in that, and i love you for that.

i often think i was the villain in my own story. self-sabotaging. loving the world too much.

but there was a guilt too. a guilt at having so much, and still not being satisfied. people have sometimes confessed to me that they envy me {uh whuuuut, right?} and i feel like a total fraud/liar/fake because it wasn't real.

on my 28th birthday i cited the lyrics "things will be great when i turn 28". and they really are. i believe there is power in growing older. particularly when you pass 25. it's like you realize you're closer to 30 than you are to 20. and it's sobering.  there's no more stuffing around. your mistakes and risks have greater consequences {example: not paying your mom back the R20 you borrowed is not equal to missing a credit card payment or home loan installment}. but you don't sweat the small stuff like you used to. the more dissatisfied i became, the more urgency i felt. to create a turning point. a fork stuck in the road…{you get my greenday point, right}

so right now i am kind of stunned that a year ago i was there. now i am here.

here is uncertain.
here there are no back up plans.
here there is no reputation to ride on. resumé to support. bank balance to sustain.

here there is only small faith in a big GOD.
here there are big dreams. and endless possibilities. a heartful of gratitude.
here is humility.
here is lessons that suck to learn.
here is good.
here is now.
x

in dreams

i had the pleasure of traveling to alabama to spend some time with my sweet friend courtney and her wonderful family. we did some road-tripping and...well...got to see some amazing bands. in soaking rain. in scorching heat. we even got to shake the hands of some of them and say hi. it was more than epic :)

so i will just let these pictures speak for themselves....

what an inspiring, surreal, tick-off-my-list-of-stuff-to-do-before-i-die time in my life.

yip, i am loving every minute that i get to live this adventure.

x

ps. it was one of the last live performances crowder will ever do. this is something i will always appreciate and remember.

cheese in a can {the new york edition}

ok so here it is people of the blogging / facebook world...my update on new york city :) what a whirlwind of a business/pleasure trip. it was more of an LSD trip {not that i would even know what that's like but i can imagine it would be electrifying sensory overload and no sleep}...

extreme aiport security at branson airport {strange for an international airport the size of my living room back home and such intensity for a domestic flight}.

snoring obnoxious new yorker passenger.

funny missourian guy who laughed with me at the obnoxious snoring new yorker.

hello atlanta. good to re-connect {lame pun}

flying over the hudson and seeing lady liberty and central park from the airplane window.

hello la guardia.

awesome service from ray the mexican at shuttle services

a shuttle ride to the hotel

weird pakistani shuttle bus driver.

total disorientation. the place is HUGE!

minor secret freak out in the shuttle bus.

the new yorker hotel {just like google earth said it would be}

the view of the chrysler from my room on the 29th floor.

seeing people doing tango lessons in the dance studio below from my room on the 29th floor.

realising i am totally on. my. own. bring me a brown paper bag.

deciding on an early night and just walking to mcd's opposite the hotel {getting into bed 4 hours later}

$1 for a slice of pepperoni pizza. awesome! 

souvenir store and another pakistani who asked about my accent and then chatted to me about cricket.

times square.

mtv.

broadway.

the lights. wow. the lights are brighter than daylight.

starbucks in times square.

the people.

the accents.

the energy.

awesome police officers everywhere. heard that there are 40,000 of them in the city?

seeing john leguizamo.

stopping in at a deli at 11:30pm for fresh fruit and parfait.

realising everything is going to be awesome.

spiderman. elmo. posing for photos.

falling asleep to the sounds of the city that never sleeps {and feeling a guilt for being a fader at 2am}

running the last 2 blocks to grayline to meet with ruth and start the tour.

sergei the tour guide from former yugoslavia

manhattan in one day.

trump towers. nyc ballet. central park. harlem. apollo theatre. greenwich village. soho.

i heart ny shirts {cannot leave nyc without one}

pasta at azurro grotto in little italy.

rad conversations with a couple from british columbia and two friends from california.

really irritating tourist from michigan that hooked onto ruth and asked really dumb questions about africa "do you have one president that rules over all of africa? no? so it's a whole bunch of countries and governments?" and "the situation in libya is really bad for you guys, eh?"psh.

wall street. financial district.

statue of liberty. brooklyn bridge. manhattan bridge. gah it's awesome!

ground zero and sergei's stories of 9/11.

coffee and cheesecake at metro cafe.

top of the rock observatory in record time -- that's what a migraine will do.

black cars parked outside nbc studios. i imagined it was bradley cooper inside, prior to his appearance on snl that night.

 slow wander in the drizzle back to the hotel and totally passing out.

awake in time to watch snl. weird thinking it was being filmed a few blocks away.

the perfect sunday in new york wandering through the avenues.

introductions to elliot erwitt.

MoMA. too many awe-filled moments. had tears in my eyes standing in front of "flag" and "starry night". all the greats i had studied in school were there.

a south african exhibition {holding back the urge to scream out "i am from here! i am south african!}

pressata @ europa cafe

finally hearing defying gravity live. it was "wicked" :)

hailing a cab.

pre-conference meet up at a rad underground bar.

william the social performance measurement graduate telling me all about stats and validity ratios or something like that. *whoosh* over my head.

happy victory dancing in the elevator.

the best angus beef burger at tick tock diner.

walking the streets of nyc at 8am. people walking to work, walking their dogs, jogging, breakfasting at cafes, starbucksing en route to the office.

welcome to microfinance usa 2011!!!

the most awesome american roxanna sears. so grateful you chose our table at breakfast.

laughing at sign language conversations in times square and central park proposals and climbing kilimanjaro {her stories, not mine}.

cocktails and finger food at 230 5th avenue.

the rooftop and random super kitsch king kong decor and limited access due to a set up for a rolling stones concert. boom!

serendipitous encounters.

starbucks and stumbling across the empire state building. for reals.

day 2 of microfinance usa 2011.

networking networking networking.

more serendipitous encounters.

buying trendy buddy holly glasses i will probably never wear.

almond restaurant conference meet up.

interesting convos. interesting people.

meeting the director of fundraising for accion who is dating an afrikaans guy from stellenbosch. crazy!

pulling an all nighter to catch a 3am shuttle and 6am flight.

exploring all 4 levels of forever 21 and the m&m store.

bumping into jim parsons, ellen barkin, luke macfarlane and lee pace. boom!

fresh strawberry pancakes at 2am.

texting with lori :)

saying farewell to a city i fell in love with.

the city still very much alive at 3:30am. not surprised :)

a morgue-like la guardia airport.

feeling pretty awake but having no recollection of take off or in flight service/snacks...only touch down.

hello atlanta. good to re-connect {argh another lame pun!}

back in springfield, MO.

realisation i will never be the same.

bliss.

memories.

maturation.

bucket list big "tick".

making a promise to return for another bite of the big apple.

x