i am in love. it's not a joke. if i had my way, we would be together for ever. but it's not possible now. and this boy, this love of my life, has made me realise that while i would rescue him from abandonment, that i would take him home and love him forever, i cannot give him what he needs. i cannot be a mom now and trying to be a single mom would be the most unfair decision for him.
and it's like that with so many things in my life right now. i can see what i want, desires of my heart that are noble, but i can't get there because it's not the right time. and wow am i impatient. but GOD in his infinite wisdom is showing me that in quietness and trust is my strength. this picture of Jarred reminds me of that every time.
i wonder if he'll ever know that at 4 months old, he taught me a powerful lesson.
i have had a slow puncture for months. like i won't even lie, it's been that long. and like a true lazy ass, i just keep pumping it up, living in denial that i need to get it fixed. until one day recently it was totally flat so i pulled into a garage to get it sorted. i observed as they repaired the old tyre (cause i always secretly wanted to be a mechanic hard core repair type person) and it was fascinating.
so here's what he did...first he put the tyre into a huge basin of water and slowly rotated it, carefully and methodically in order to find the pin sized hole. he was so patient. then he took a massive corkscrew looking tool and rammed it so hard into the tyre i thought he was going to rip it open. the air escaped with such rapidity and a loud whoosh i remember thinking well he's just making it worse (silly nana) . then he threaded a small strip i can only describe as droewors or a cabonossi stick (but smaller) into a giant needle and shoved this into the hole. plugged up. no more whoosh of escaping air. 30 bucks later i'm back on the road. and i'm thinking there are some real parallels here to real life.
we all have slow punctures or wounds we don't want to face. and then GOD in his quiet patience slowly finds where the bubbles are escaping. and then he makes the hole bigger, so we know exactly where the pain is (cause we've been in such denial for so long we don't even know where the pain comes from) and this may be scripture, a truth spoken in love by a good friend or random stranger, the power of the Holy Spirit or whatever. and then, when we feel like the air is escaping and we are broken forever, he repairs. like there was never a puncture in the first place.
and we are restored. don't you just love Him for that?
A friend asked me the other day why i don't have a blog. It was such an arb question i stumbled over an answer. And then i figured well most people i know have one, and they don't all have something profound or life changing to say, so why not give it a go. So here's the first random entry. Hope it gets better from here... :)
